… I'm getting old. My back is killing me. I know this pain. I've had it before. It's stress.
Now, some of you might be wondering what I've been stressing about. "But he always seems like he's in such a good mood …"
It's all in my head, this stress … things that run through my mind.
I've been getting some emails for you guys. I know this blog has become increasingly cryptic. I have to be careful with my words. Too many know too much.
That being said, yes, I've had a most interesting, fulfilling, and painful year so far.
I hit quite a low last December. And I honestly feel I've been through what could only be described as a series of life lessons that I've began to grow from.
I've met some incredible individuals whom I want in my life; not just friends whose company I enjoy, but rather people I want as life long friends.
I've come to realize there truly are some guardian angel-like people out there of whom I've benefitted from their generousity and warmth.
I've discovered the true pains of growing more mature and truly becoming what society deems an adult.
I've finally discovered what I'm looking for … but I'm not worthy.
I've experienced true jealousy for the first time in my life.
I've learned that maybe it's time I stop pretending to be what I'm not … and wallow in the obscurity that is me.
I've experienced the loss of friends … out of sight, out of mind … disagreements … accidents … stupidity … murder …
Once upon a time, a friend of mine asked me for some advice. He was a couple of years younger than me, about to head into his senior year at high school. He asked me for my best advice for the year ahead.
I had to think about it first. I had to reflect on my time in high school, my time in college … and give my friend what little pearls of wisdom I had.
In the end, my advice to him was … for him to not rush his way out of high school. I urged him to enjoy his senior year because life will never be the same again … because he'll never have that year back again.
I'm finding myself once again at a crossroads similar to that of high school graduation.
I'm on the verge of something new, and yet I'm hanging on to something old – and not knowing why.
I'm finding my close friends distant, and distant friends close.
I'm finding myself feeling utterly lonely, despite being in a room full of people … because they just don't understand.
But this time around, I want out. I want out bad. It's high time to go and move on to that next thing. Time for me to get what I want.
… Good luck to me …
… sent via my BlackBerry device