First and foremost …
Happy New Year, everyone! From me to you, here’s wishing you all the best to you and yours!
I know I’ve been entirely out of touch with people. I assure you, it’s not by choice. You all know me. It’s not in my nature to let friendships fall by the wayside. I love my friends. I love you guys.
I’ve been working like a dog. These last couple of months, I’ve come to realize some things that have given me quite a different perspective on things. Mind you, that perspective I’ve always known and saw, but was in one way or another unable to follow through with certain practices that I probably should have put in place a long time ago.
I know. It sounds like denial. And it probably is. I know I sound like a broken record about the woes of my past. Little by little, I’m making the steps towards the something better; overcoming obstacle after obstacle.
Life has been interesting since my return home. I was in a bad place when I got home. Despite being home, I was lost. I had no shortage of friends in and around. There were far too many to name. In fact, this last summer, I had friends visiting from all over literally every week. Even during my trip out to the Stampede, I had friends here – friends I wish I could have seen, but nonetheless, good times. However, I still wasn’t getting certain answers. I wasn’t getting what I needed. It’s of no fault of any of you, my friends. It’s all got to do with me.
I spent a considerable amount of time living at home again with my folks. I love my folks, but I’ve come to learn that there does come a time when one just can’t live one’s life while under the same roof as one’s parents … well, perhaps it’s heavily an Asian thing with that damn cultural gap and all.
I think it was after my reunion that I realized what I needed was time. You see, so many people from my grad class were apprehensive about even going to the event for fear of being ribbed and belittled by their peers. Fortunately for most everyone, we found that it was good times all around. We talked about the pressure we all felt as a result of the environment we did came from, the expectations, and the like. But, in the end, we all walked the walk, and found ourselves where we are today … and content at that.
The time I needed was to reflect back upon the steps I’d taken. I had to look long and hard at the steps that have lead me to where I am today. My pops has always told me, even at a young age, that “only when you know where you come from, do you know where you’re going”. How true is that? I spent many an hour … nay … many a day … re-evaluating my life, the different phases and stages I went though. The good, the bad … the ugly.
I ain’t perfect. I’ve made my mistakes. What, with decisions regarding people, school, jobs, direction in life … but you live and learn, right? I’ve made some real big mistakes. What, with decisions regarding people, school, jobs, direction in life …
There are times when it’s easy for me to blame others. Bluntly put, there have instances where I’ve been negatively affected by others, where decisions they make hand-cuff me, where they blame me for their own stubborn shortsightedness … but I won’t get into details. I now see that though it’s easy to blame others, it’s difficult to right it myself … but I have to do it. For if I don’t, it’ll only hurt me in the end. So, if there’s any sort of new year’s resolution I’m to make … it’s to make sure I don’t take shit from anyone anymore.
This last year, not a lot went my way. It was a rough year. Those that have know me for a while would most likely agree that I’ve had myself a number of rough years … going on 4 years now, in fact. It’s time to put a stop to that.
Some years ago, when life was much better, a good friend (once upon a time) explained to me that there are several facets of life that make or break a person. These parameters are family, friends, love, health, and career. Truth be told, family has always been steadfast. Friends, like an extended and ever-expanding family, have always been supportive. Beyond that … well … *sigh* Love … I’m still in recovery. Health … in decline. Career … let’s not even talk about it.
One may argue that I have such a wealth of friends … that I may be considered more fortunate than others. Depending on how you look at it, it may or may not be true. I know I am blessed with so many good friends. They are all wonderful, wonderful people. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But, no disrespect to any of you, friends don’t pay the bills.
It’s with this in mind that I’ve found myself buckling down and focusing on getting my life together. I’m working my ass off. I know I’m not that smart. I’m not that talented. I’m not that experienced. But I work hard at whatever I do. It’s the one trait no one can fault me on. At current, I’m working 2 jobs. I’m working at least 6 days a week. I’m working odd hours.
I wish I had more time to see my friends. Take my word for it, it’s not because I don’t want to see you. It’s not that I don’t care. But as some of your have been telling me for some time now … it’s time for me to be selfish. I need to do what I need to do.
… & write back @ ya’!
Ghis : Hey, girl. Yeah, life has been crazy. I work too much. I barely have a social life. It’s starting to remind me of when I first moved to CowTown. I’m back in Van-City now. I plan to be hear for a while, me thinks.
In any case, I read that you’re expecting! Congrats! Just remember … if your little one steps out of line … there’s always Uncle Warz‘ Boot Camp!
Anonymous : … DAR? … DAR! DAR! … RHB!
J.Lo : Nope, that wasn’t Pac-Man‘s work. Speaking of which … people say I’ve gone AWOL … no one seems to have any idea what he’s up to …