Posted: 07/13/2005 in None

Where Do You Draw The Line?

I haven’t been sleeping lately. Hardly more than 30 minutes each night. Part of it is the noise outside. The other part of it is the shit going through my mind lately. The stress has landed me the mother of all migraines today.

Life ain’t rosy all the time …

“It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want”

– Maroon 5 : She Will Be Loved

Back in the day, I had what some would call ‘unlimited patience’. Nowadays, I’m finding I can have a very short fuse. Mind you, many of you have never really seen me upset yet. In fact, only my family and sports teammates have seen me truly angry. For those of you who think they’ve seen it … No, you haven’t.

I’ve been trying to keep quiet. Frankly, I haven’t wanted to really talk to anyone about things at all lately. Most anything I talk about is superficial. Perhaps it’s best that way.

I laugh, but rarely do I smile. It’s summer time. The ladies are showing skin. The patios are open, the booze is flowing. I’m not smiling. You know what I look forward to each day? The best part of my day – if it happens at all – is if I get to see a certain lady that works in the same building I do. With her, I exchange a smile.

“Cause it’s you and me and all of the people
Nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people and
I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you”

– Lifehouse : You And Me

She is simply beautiful. I really don’t know how to describe it any better than that. Some days, I don’t see her smiling. I’d try to make small talk and bring a smile to her face. If I do … it makes my day, let me tell you. But most days, it’s all for naught.

In fact, some would question why I should bother at all?

“Where do you think it would lead to?” “Do you really think anything will come of it?”

How the fuck am I supposed to know? I don’t know. I really don’t know. I wish I knew where to draw the line …

Speaking of which … there’s a number of issues trying my patience. Some stretching back some years even, might I add. Some of these issues are new and recent. Some are crucial, some less so. But they all affect me enough in that they’d sadden me if I should need to draw that line.

“No more Mister Nice Guy,
No more Mister Clean,
No more Mister Nice Guy,
They say he’s sick, he’s obscene.”

– Alice Cooper : No More Mr. Nice Guy

I sense a change in the air … Now, if only I was three sheets to the wind …

… fuck …


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