Posted: 05/25/2005 in None

A profound “Thank you” to those whom’ve expressed their concern and offered support recently. I’m particularly surprised by those whom have, and yet I’ve never met. Perfect strangers – though long-time readers (some whom even date back to v1.0) – have actually sent emails.

Frankly, I’ve been saying that I’m at ‘a crossroad in my life’ for quite some time now. It’s been a good couple of years, and yet oddly enough, it doesn’t seem to get any easier. Day by day, it gets harder. Truth is, I still can’t say I know what I want. I think I know, but I can’t be certain.

… nor do I, at times, feel worthy of anything. I bitch about having had to work hard for what I have, what I am today, but having grown up on the wrong side of the tracks, and being placed in a fortunate environment, it’s easy for me to say that others have it easy.

However, sometimes I step back to evaluate it all and I wonder. I really, really wonder. Am I a complete sham? I think one of my greatest traits is my outgoing personality. And yet, it leads to one of my greatest fears.

I instill confidence in others when it comes to me and my abilities. But I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been given far more credit than I deserve. I pride myself on being a man of my word, and I truly hate letting people down. At times, I feel that I might make life more difficult than it has to be when I inadvertently set that bar too high for myself.

… anyhow … *sigh* …

I suppose the pressure was mounting, and I was about to crack. And it certainly didn’t help any when I learned of my friend’s accident. I was pretty shaken up. I remained that way until I heard of her passing. There were some moments I was a complete wreck. I found myself needing to take time off from work just to go for a walk.

The original reason for heading out east for last weekend was a sombre one. However, as fate would have it, plans changed. It turned out to be a bit of a mixed blessing. On one hand, I was racked with guilt for not attending the memorial and funeral services. On the other, I was extremely glad to have spent time with good friends.

The Thursday night, Baby-J picked me up from the airport and we met up with D&G for a late dinner at Bâton Rouge. Baby-J called it a night, while D&G headed up north for some good old Chinese desserts.

Like old times … I’ve missed hanging with those two. Like Gracey once said, us hanging out is “stress-free”. … so very glad they drove in from the Hammer. It gets me feeling guilty though. They make such an effort to hit the big city, and we never did ever head out to their neck of the woods. I know there’s not a heck of a whole lot happening there, but it doesn’t make it right …

Being the workaholic that I am, Friday was a work day. Thank goodness for modern technology, or otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten anything done. By night, Baby-J and I drove up to the Slammer to pick up Kira. Boy, have I missed her dearly. Not to say that I’ve missed being woken up with a cold nose to the small of my back, or the back of my neck … but I’ve missed her company immensely.

Late at night, Pac-Man called for a meeting at the clubhouse. We spent time catching up. Talking with him is always easy. You just say it; simple enough. I’m glad to hear things are slowly working out for him.

Saturday morning was a long walk with Baby-J and Kira. Dalo popped back into town for dinner with us and Jack-E, Pac-Man, and Renka. I had originally wanted to treat Renka to dinner for her birthday, so I chose for us to dine at George; a restaurant, she’d been meaning to try out.

The ambiance was simple and elegant. But, ambiance never sold me on any restaurant. It always comes down to the food. The food didn’t disappoint. In particular, both Renka and I really enjoyed a most supple, moist Jasmine Scented Pork Tenderloin. Baby-J‘s Thai Curry Halibut was lovely as well, being seared to perfection leaving the top crisp, and the rest quite tender. Other popular dishes were the Vanilla Cured Duck Breast and the Wild Boar.

The service, however, left a bit to be desired. It’s understandable that given a larger party, they’d tend to give you the time and privacy. But, it almost seemed like we were ignored. It still irks me, to no end, that the ladies are not served first. Moreover, they also served the wrong plate to the wrong people. Nonetheless, Renka and I capped off the dinner with cups of Illy espresso.

Dinner was fun, sitting with a good group of friends. I love having good company, good food, good laughs. It’s always been a favourite combination of mine.

After dinner, we hit up Yorkdale to catch “Unleashed“. We’re all more or less Jet Li fans.

The story’s a little bit far-fetched, but fun to watch nonetheless. I must say, there was very little character development other than Jet Li‘s character. It was basically a no-brainer action flick with the odd funny one-liner.

The movie wasn’t a true showcase of martial arts, but just a good case of ass-kicking.

After sending everyone home, Pac-Man and I held another meeting.

Baby-J and I bummed around with Kira most of Sunday morning. I got some more work done. By evening, D&G popped into town again, met up with us, Jack-E and Pac-Man for a little Korean BBQ action. After dinner, Baby-J was off to the boyfriend’s, while the rest of us headed for Chinese desserts again.

D&G headed home, so Jack-E, Pac-Man and I down a pint at a familiar watering hole. It was good to hang with the guys … discussing the finer things life has to offer.

I dropped by Renka‘s after dropping the guys off. We spent some hours catching up on things. We’ve both been busy these last months and haven’t really talked. I think we both miss those days of last year … having made our bi-weekly dinner dates, but finding ourselves dining out every other day … 😛

Monday was a day of errands … then back to Cow-Town … back to the grind … In fact, it was airport-office-home(shower)-office …

… which brings us up to date …

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