In all honesty, I’ve been finding it hard stay optimistic lately. I can’t quite definitively say what it was, as I’m sure it’s a variety of things. Some I may have mentioned before, some I dare not get into here. But nonetheless, I feel like I once did … extremely jaded by life.

For this social creature, to utter the words “I’m not feeling very social”, comes as a shock to some. I’ve been using that phrase on a near daily basis. Frankly, I’m finding myself only really only wanting to be in select company. Sadly, most of those people are not within arm’s reach … and yet, those that seemingly are within arm’s reach … well … *sigh* …

I suppose I’m lacking companionship. I really have no friends here. In Van, there are The Fam, The Boys … and what’s left of what Blondie calls my ‘harem’. In TO, there was the Pub Crew (comprised of the The Ruggers and ladies we knew at the bar), my Marilla, my culinary partner in crime, the other member of the club, and the rest of the ritual members.

Maybe I’m just hitting that wall. It’s been a trying couple of weeks. This last week has been particularly tough. Work is getting to me. People are getting to me. I’m lonely. Then, mid-week, I get news of a friend having been in a car accident in which a drunk driver ran her off the road. Being the trooper that she was, she hung in there … until Sunday morning.

Rest in peace, ‘Nats’ … You’ll be missed …

What I wouldn’t give for just five minutes alone with that drunk driver. And it does scare me how much I want that. I am so full of angst and anger right now, I’m not entirely sure if it’s healthy.

In any case … back to reality …

Lemming-Boy, my friend, I do know how you feel; only, I sit in the unenviable position as the devil’s advocate … and shoot myself in foot …

I’m not making any sense to you, am I? Well, perhaps if you understood my situation, you might be inclined to agreed with me. But far too often I’ve been guilty of not practicing what I preach.

But look at it this way, you have options; well, to a degree. I understand your current situation is not as what your folks would like. On one hand, you’re are a big boy. On the other, and take it from a guy who’s been through something similar, not having their approval makes your dating life suck. Tough call …

Secondly, dealing with a co-worker under such circumstances is tricky. Working with someone you’re attracted to is a rough ride. You can be constantly distracted, hoping you’d get a chance to talk to her; even if it means making up stupid excuses. What’s worse is when your mind runs wild and becomes preoccupied by it all. Trust me, it sucks.

… *boo!* …

So last weekend, Cutie and I caught “Crash“. I really didn’t now what to expect from the movie at first. In talking to others, I was told it’s “a car accident brings together a group of strangers in Los Angeles …”. I immediately thought this movie would be similar to that of “Go“.

Such was not the case. This movie was tragically beautiful. It is though provoking. It is the truth. Life ain’t all white picket fences and pretty roses. In fact, this flick reminds me of “Traffic“. Of course, leave it to a Canadian to showcase how fucked up life is.

Great cast. Great acting. Great story. All is fucked up.