Posted: 03/05/2005 in None

… Yadda Yadda …

3:07 AM : March 5th, 2005
– as keyed in by Warz on ye ole ‘craptop’

… get comfortable … I feel a long one coming on …

Well, it’s been at least an hour into my tossing and turning in bed, and nearly an hour and a half since I’ve been home. I just can’t seem to sleep. I’m feeling kind of restless tonight.

After work today, I went to grab Phoebus, went home to grab a change of clothes and took off. Phoebus needed a good run. It’d had been a while since she had a good run in the open. And lord knows I needed to open a little throttle. We made a good run up to Red Deer, before turning back to head down to High River. About an hour into the run, she began to breath a little easier again. Her fuel lines were flushed, and she began to settle down. I’ll need to clean out her nose cone soon. Now if only I could afford some flow

The drive was quite nice. I was able to turn down the dash lights, turn off the radio, listen to Phoebus rumble and roar, and just drive. Just me, my baby, and the road … To the average person, this is what crazy people do. But to those that know me, they know it’s a means for me to clear my head. I can’t say that this drive did wonders for me. I’m not in any better a frame of mind than when I started, but at least it’s calmed me a bit.

Tonight, I did something I hadn’t done in aeons. I decided to leave my phone at home. I just wasn’t feeling terribly social. I’ve been feeling this way for a little bit now. After the drive, I had no desire to get my phone. Instead, I headed straight for the office. I had work to do. I didn’t even log onto to MSN. I just couldn’t be bothered.

The last time I went through an anti-social phase, I believe Renka was the first to notice (or at least make mention of it). I guess I’m such a geek that alarms start going off if I’m not spotted online.

Work has finally begun to get challenging. However, it hasn’t been the work detail that’s been trying me. Instead, it’s been the office politics – though I use that term lightly. The two people I work mostly closely to are The Manager and the The Administrator, and surprisingly not my supervisor.

The Manager handles a lot of the office duties is the security and HR departments. The Administrator runs the office and is practically the personal assistant to The Boss, along with some of the other executives.

Watching the interactions of these three people at work strikes a core with me. It really hits home. It brings back some not-so-fond memories of my family business. In these three individuals, I can see so many characteristics of my parents. From an outsider’s point of view, being my position, I can relate and sympathize with each of them. I understand them. What irks me is that I can see how things can be changed for the better, but I’m in no place to say anything.

Such, I find to be true so often in life. In my family, we were brought up to speak our minds. Our words may fall upon deaf ears, but we were to speak up. However, it doesn’t work that way in the real world. Even among the best of friends, there are some things that are taboo. At least, to go beyond that line certainly is.

This I know to be true because I’ve lost some friends over it. Oddly enough, to this day, I will not retract what I’ve had to say. I stand by my words. But, I do see that those words were best not to have been said at all. It’s really a shame, though, that I have this knack for saying things when I shouldn’t, and I can never really muster my words when I should.

I think the first public speaking I ever did was when I was about 7 years old. I was to sing the national anthem in front of my cub pack. Soon after, I was to do the same for the Remembrance Day ceremonies at school. I was a regular speaker in front of the school by 4th grade. I never had a problem speaking in front of people. In fact, for oral reports, I used to just wing it, and not even prepare a crib sheet or notes beforehand.

But I find that when it really comes down to it … when it really counts … when it’s something serious in nature … my words escape me. When there’s something I need to or should say to someone, I just can’t do it. Who would have thunk it? Sucks to be me, I tell you …

Undoubtedly this is a major flaw of mine. And who knows, it may just be my downfall. There have been so many opportunities missed. If only I knew then what I know now. I would imagine my life having been very different. Heck, I would like to think my life could be a heck of a whole lot better today. For one, I’d be a lot less … ‘ronery

I miss Kira. Despite her incessant need to bury her cold, wet nose in the back of neck or the small of my back while I sleep, she was a wonderful companion. While I was searching for work, interview after interview, I’d come home to see a gleeful doggy. I miss coming home to that. It’s nice to come home to someone, something. People may be right; a pet may just be the next best thing to a significant other.

I wish I could call for a meeting right about now. But, there will be none of that. Pac-Man would dread living here since there are no good spots for late night eats. I miss the company of the boys. Needless to say, we never stray too far from each other, as even in cyberspace, we manage to take those same cheap shots, low blows as we would in person.

I’m hoping to make a trip out east soon, but somehow I doubt I can afford it – time or money. I’d love to see Baby-J and her new condo. She’s already giving me crap for not doing her shopping for her. I miss sitting across from Renka over a good meal or a cup of something. And I miss being an idiot with the ruggers.

Luckily for me, I’ll see a bit of Cutie come next week, as she’ll be in town. I do believe a trip out to Peter’s Drive-In is in order. Now if only she could pack up Jack-E and bring him with. I haven’t seen that guy in ages. I hope he had a good time in Lost Wages, and is recovering nicely from his losses.

… the poor guy. I can relate to that too. Been there, done that … have the T-shirt … and the bumper sticker … still get mail forwarded from there too … It’s tough when you’ve placed so much effort into something and then for it to not pan out the way you wished. Such was 6 years of my life … wasted. Years, that I’ll never get back. *boo!*

4:28 AM : March 5th, 2005
– as keyed in by Warz on ye ole ‘craptop’

… still awake … I told you … restless

You now what I’m really craving right about now? Some good old comfort company. I got a heavy dose of that last year with Blondie. Mind you, I was working out a whole load of my issues at the time, but it was great to have her there. It was comforting knowing that the door was always open … that I could just drop by and lounge out with her on her bed … watching movies … talking … going for a walk … walking the dogs … I miss that too.

It’s difficult to come out of a comfort zone; particularly, when it becomes lifestyle. But still, when you feel you have good thing going on and things change on you … it really sucks, let me say. At one point, I was on a pretty regular phone deal with this certain lady. I can’t quite put a finger on what changed or went wrong, but the phone conversations practically stopped.

I felt that we’ve always had good chats. We would laugh a lot. We’d just talk. It’s rare to find that nowadays – people making time to talk to each other … I mean, really talk to each other. Suddenly, time wasn’t made for me anymore. Perhaps, I’m just not worth her time. Maybe … Oh, well … I’ve missed talking to her. She’s great company and I’ve always thought the world of her.

Good company is in short supply here. Well, that’s not entirely true. There are the likes of MetroBoy and AnnaBanana, but they’ve both been busy – as have I, might I add. So, there’s no one to blame. I’ve been meaning to meet up with a friend of Zed‘s I met at Zed‘s engagement party. But, once again, our schedules haven’t allowed for it.

I met new friend the other night through another friend visiting from TO while we all had dinner at River Café on Prince’s Island. She seems very friendly. We’ve exchanged numbers and emails; which turned out to be a good thing, since she needed to call me the next day. We somehow managed to switch our credit cards without noticing. What luck …

Of all places, I met a friend while I was shopping at Ikea. “Only you, Warz …,” as Baby-J would say. While packing my stuff away in Phoebus, I noticed a lady having trouble packing her car up. I offered to help. That lead to coffee … which lead to dinner. Nice lady.

I seem to have befriended the now-departed receptionist at work. She had only started not long before I arrived, but was already looking for a change. She figured she’s best off working in a field she’s been schooled in. Earlier this week, she emailed me, inviting me out to hang out with her, her boyfriend and their friends.

All in all, I am meeting people. Not quite as easily as, say, um, Renka meets boys, er, I mean *people* , but once again it’s been the usual routine of moving to a new place. I had it at first when I moved to Toronto. I missed my friends dearly. It took me a while to really settle in and develop my niche there. Friends from home, like Baby-J, Lilith, certainly helped. But it was when I got to know Pac-Man, Jack-E, and reconnected with Renka, D&G, Cutie, did I really start to feel at ease. That was a process of nearly a year.

Admittedly, passing the time was made a whole lot easier by the fact I had the ruggers and the pub crew. Good people, all of them … which leads me to think I should get myself back into the game. I might just become a saint again. Besides, despite the bruises and knocks on the noggin, it’ll be a healthy thing to do. I certainly know I could use the exercise.

I’m under no illusions that I’ll meet a core group of friends by playing a sport I love. Though rugby can be a lifestyle, I merely dabble in it. I’ve got other things going on. I have other interests too. It’ll take time, I’m sure of it. Heck, I’ve been here but a month.

As it turns out, Dimples is moving back home to Cow-Town (for the summer at least). I know she’s torn and of two minds about the move. Selfishly speaking, I’m a bit excited that she is moving home; and I’ve told her as much. I know I could use some good company here.

We’ve talked about training to do CIBC‘s Run For The Cure for the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation in the fall. As much as she is a riot to be with, I’m kind of hoping she won’t be around for it. I’m hoping she gets into PDP at SFU and will be back in Vancouver for school. She wants to teach. I want that for her too.

… & write back @ ya’!

Jovo : Very true, my good friend. But, man, am I ever losing weight here quickly. I walk a lot here. My clothes don’t fit me anymore. Dammit, more shopping … *oi* … or as you’d say … *oy* … Miss home too, buddy …

J.Lo : Your mom is a smart woman, and she’s taught you well. Yeah, you’ll have a lot to look forward to in college. Have no fear in that. But with anything, you gain some, and you’ll lose some. Such is a fact of life.

I’m glad PM7 worked out for you. If converting to *.pdf is what you need, I can hook you up with an old Acro5. Let me know.

Wingman : I figured something like that. Natural light is not my friend, eh? Yeah, I’ve heard that one before. And you probably all like me more when I’m drinking. Funny thing is, I like you guys more when I’m drinking too! ;-P

Oh yeah, we’ll have to get you right f*cked up for your stag, man … Cheers, bro!

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