Posted: 02/21/2005 in None

Where To Begin, Even … ?

I didn’t sleep much last night. Yes, I know I don’t sleep much to begin with, but it was because I was up thinking. Certain phone calls lately have got me kind of knotted up. And it’s somewhat been a bit of a spotlight, if just for/to myself, of just how much I care about people around me.

I don’t think anyone who knows me would say that I take my friends’ troubles lightly. But sometimes, I do find myself worrying a little too much. Perhaps some of those around me are right; that I do have to worry about myself more. And I did try to hammer out some things for myself …

So, for the first time in a very, very long time … so long, in fact, that I can’t even remember the last time … I’ve found myself actually uncomfortable around someone …

This is unfamiliar territory to me. I know it’s going to sound like I’m tooting my horn here, but fact is, I rarely find myself completely out of my comfort zone when it comes to dealing with others. As Pac-Man once described me, I’m a chameleon.

This person is one whom I don’t know where I stand, nor how I’m viewed. At times it’s easy to make eye contact, and others I have to look away. It’s hard to believe but sometimes I find myself not knowing what to say, let alone how to say it.

The relationship dynamic is an evolution. It has been ever-changing, and it’s been yet to be absolutely determined. Far too many parameters govern what could be something rather simple.

So I go to explain my findings to Baby-J. This lady I share most everything with; be it my inner most, deeper thoughts … or whatever on my dinner plate she seems to fancy at the moment. Historically, from her, I would find support and comfort. Today, I got laughed at. Thanks.

But at the same time, I see her point. In fact, from an objective point of view, I’m laughing at myself too. This is so out of character for me. I think that’s why it’s so humourous.

I suppose time will tell. But not right now. Right now is time for dinner.

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