Archive for January, 2005

Posted: 01/30/2005 in None


… for this week while I’m a home.

There are so many of you I want to see, but unfortunately, I’ve only so much time to get so much done. I hope none of you take any offense if I cannot see you this week.

Maybe some people are right … a big ‘To-Do’ might be in order … *hmmm*


Posted: 01/30/2005 in None

Happy … Happy Joy Joy, ‘Perty’ One!

I know you don’t like the hoop-la of the fancy-schmancy birthday wishes … but tough luck! Have a great one, Sassy Hermit!

Posted: 01/26/2005 in None

This may very well be my last post before I leave TO as I’ll be packing up my system to ship it home. I’ll be reduced to the Ole Craptop. I whopping 133 MHz, with 32 Mb of RAM. … *awesome* … {rolling eyes} … At least it’ll suffice for the time being. I can still chat on the thing … barely …

Dang … had a meeting with Pac-Man last night when it really hit me – I’m leaving in 3 days. Crazy. I haven’t really packed yet. Yeah, I’ve been prolonging it. I’ve been procrastinating. I wasn’t really sure why. Maybe it’s that tradition I have of packing at the last minute.

… whatever …

So lately, I’ve been talking care of stuff here and there. It was a slow process. I think mentally, I’ve been stalling as to be able to spend time with certain people. I don’t know when’s the next time I’ll get to see them, so to speak.

In Baby-J, I’ll be losing a wonderful ‘spouse’. It was difficult when she left Vancouver for Kingston some years ago, but for me to leave after having lived with her will be especially trying. I’ll long for those 4-hour lunches … those impromptu dinners … discussing the sudden emergence of *her* shade of grey … She’s my best friend, and I’ll miss her dearly.

Though at times it’s tough for us to catch each other, I know I can always depend on Berty. I could not ask for anything more in a friend than this guy. The support he gives me is whole and unquestioning. Honestly, had it not been for him, I may not have moved to TO to begin with. I know he’ll take NYC by storm, then hopefully we’ll both find our way home to be at center ice in time to watch the puck drop in 2010.

I’ll miss sitting across a table from Renka, chatting away while enjoying a good meal. One of my mottos has always been, “… good company … good food … you can’t go wrong …”. Renka‘s always great company; so great in fact, I’m there more so for her company than the food. I don’t think she knows it, but she made this city bearable for me. Perhaps had it not been for her, I would have moved home a long time ago. I still find it hard to believe that we’ve only been hanging out for about a year, and have become such close friends.

Pac-Man‘s been trying to get himself back into the healthier balance, but it’s never stopped him from calling the occasional meeting at the clubhouse. Talking with him is easy. We can be blunt. We’re always honest. It’s always good. I know Wilson will miss us.

D&G … What can I say about these guys? In Dalo, is a guy I’ve known for what seems like forever – since the days of True Light Chinese School. And in Gracey, I’ve been fortunate to have met many years ago, and thankful to have befriended these last couple of years. A wonderful couple, and great friends. No doubt I’ll be missing those rituals @ CW as the The Funky 4-some.

It was great to have Cutie out of the cornfields and back to the great white north. I’m like a big kid around her. She keeps me young. It’s a shame I’ve only been able to spend but a little bit of time with her here. But I guess life has it’s fair share surprises. Though her road has been tough this last year, I hope she roughs it out and finds her way here. Good friends, you want to keep near.

I feel lucky to have met Jack-E. Good guy. But I never see him! That’s the life of the articling student at one of the nation’s largest law firms, I suppose. I trust he’ll do very well for himself.

Who wouldn’t thunk I would have found myself a little sis here in Rugby Chick? Well, I did. And coming to think of it, I think it’s been nearly a year since I’ve seen her. And yet we keep in touch online or by phone … always catching up on the latest. Shame we never hung out more …

… and the ruggers … What a bunch of guys! In particular, I’ll miss the crawl with Dean-O and Davy J … hanging with Wanker, Gabey and his lady. Of course, always good times with Franchaise, Scottie, Pretty Boy, Danny-Boy, J-Dogg, Anger and Kingpin. Front Row! Whooo!

I don’t think I’ll miss this city, but I will miss the people. That I do know.

… & write back @ ya’!

Baby-J : … yes, no one will live up to your standards … and we all know that I’ll never meet anybody quite as amazing as you … *boo*

Wingman : … no shit, Sherlocke … no shit …

Posted: 01/20/2005 in None

WARNING: Long Post … broken into two parts


I know … I’ve been neglecting this blog. I’ve been busy. Bite me.

Lately, I’ve found that I’ve had so little motivation to write up anything here. Things have happened. Things have been said. Thoughts occurred. So much material … and yet … nothing. I had so little motivation, until today …

So, I was chatting with a good, good friend of mine some time ago – just after new year’s, in fact. Of course, the natural line of conversation would have us touch on the resolutions for the new year.

I didn’t really get into details about my resolutions, because over the years, I never really bothered with them. But given this last year I had just endured, I had thoughts about what I should work on. However, in the end, I still didn’t think much of it.

Lately, things changed a little. This was due to several events; some yesterday, and some today. They were separate instances, and not related. But all involved people I care a great deal for. I will not get into the particulars, as it’s not my place.

These incidences involve people making choices – choices that I can’t even say affect me directly. But, as these people are my friends, I am concerned. I worry about the decisions they make. I cannot bear the thought of my friends being in a position where they can hurt; especially if there was something I could have said or done that would have prevented it.

And hence my dilemma … What is my place?

In my family, we go toe-to-toe on any issues regarding its members. So long as we hash it out verbally, the decision is free to be made by the individual. We are fiercely loyal to each other. This is what I grew up with. This is what I know. I know not of any other way to be. And perhaps that is my flaw …

My friends are like family to me. You’re talking to a guy that has too many little sisters to count. I need not blood to bond me to my brothers from different mothers. What is family, really, other than those whom you love?

It’s no secret people do come to me for help, advice, even if just for me to act as a sounding board … to be that devil’s advocate. And given my loyal nature, I will give it to you straight. I will not lie. I won’t even suger-coat it. I owe that to my friend. Or so I thought …

Over the years, I’ve lost some friends. I lost some friends over what I thought was their inability to take the truth, to listen, or to understand. I won’t argue who was right or wrong. I’ll let my affiliations speak for itself. But, perhaps I did overstep some boundaries …

Where do you draw ‘the line’? … This I need to know.

… I know this might all seem like bullshit to you … but it’s bugging me. Don’t think much of it. No names. No details. No specifics. Just thoughts I’m throwing down. Just leave me be, please …

the shit

After a previous post, I actually got a email response from Trace, whom I haven’t seen in a year. It was great to hear from her, although what she had to say in her email was far too kind.

This gorgeous girl and I have known each other for about a decade now. We ran in similar circles and always enjoyed each other’s company. She remarked that I shouldn’t have so much to worry, and that she couldn’t imagine I would have any troubles with the ladies. Sweetheart, you’re dead wrong …

Baby-J pointed it out. Dutchess agrees. Irv‘s said it. My boys know it. And so does every lady I know.

Fact is, I was always one of the girls. Such exposure to the opposite sex leaves me understanding how they think. So, it’s not uncommon that I would be able to help other in advising them in what to and not to do. That was easy.

*BUT*, that’s not to say I’ve learned anything as to what they think. I’m still lost. I wish I knew. I wish I had a clue. And so, when dealing with a lady I’m interested in … I’m about as useful as a shit-flavoured lollipop.

So in chat with Renka tonight, she actually posed the question:

“… actually, I’ve never asked you, do you have a particular person you are remotely interested in?”

… and my response was:

“… not really …”

I suppose one could argue that it’s an ambiguous, non-committal answer. And those whom know me best would claim my words are a double-edged sword. Perhaps both are correct.

I proceeded to explain to Renka that I have met some nice ladies … great ladies, in fact. But nothing will happen. I say again, nothing will happen. And I’ll tell you why …

Firstly, I’ll forever be the friend. Upon meeting me, women instantly put me into that category. Moreover, as Baby-J said today, “… boyfriends come and go … but you’ll always be there …”.

Secondly, I haven’t a clue where I’ll be in … 2 years … 3 years … 5 years. I’m at that point where I don’t want to date around. I wouldn’t bother with a relationship unless I see something meaningful and worthwhile.

Lastly, all the good ones are taken, and/or not interested, available, or within my league. Sometimes I feel like I’ve arrived just a little too late. I made the big mistake in investing six years of my life to someone that I thought was my future.

But don’t get me wrong. I’m in no rush, per se. Sometimes I do get lonely, as I’m sure everyone does. I related to what Dimples had to say once. You look around … it’s the holiday season … you see the snow-capped mountains … and you wish you had someone to share that with. Do I ever …

So, if the question is, “… met someone?”. My answer would be, “… dunno … {shrugs shoulders} … mebbe … let’s eat …”. I’ve met a few people that have perked my interest, but none whom have given me the light of day.

It takes me far too long to get to know someone well enough to make a move. And it’s always well beyond that which they’d call that ‘window of opportunity’.

Posted: 01/20/2005 in None

Have A Great One, I-V!

So, cheers to one of the best chicks I know … I-V! Hope you have yourself a wicked birthday!

Posted: 01/14/2005 in None

Today sucked on several levels.

My back gave out on me this morning. It’s been bothering me for a good couple of weeks now. I guess the stress and insomnia finally catching up with me again. Let’s just say I know this pain all too well.

I lost a day of packing due to my back troubles. This puts me behind on an already (self-imposed) tight schedule. But in hind-sight, at least I got some thinking done and organized in my head.

I received some bad news … I realized I’m a total moron, not by choice … I won’t get into details …

So today, I laid on the couch for the most part thinking. In previous conversations with people, when asked if I was excited to embark on a new chapter in my life, I found myself having said that I was … but “… I’ll be leaving good friends behind.”.

I know I’ll be leaving good friends behind. It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened either. I miss my friend back home dearly. I love that fact I fit right back into the fold when I’m back. Like they say, with good friends, you pick up right where you left off.

I don’t doubt it in this city either. Some of my closest friends are here. And I know that they want what’s best for me too. It was with this sentiment in mind that my friends back home sent me packing. And same is true of my friends here.

However, this crowd is a little bit different. Do not get me wrong here. My friends back home have always, always been there for me. But this TO crowd has kept me sane in an insane city. They made life here bearable. They were my support group. One by one, they lined up that support I needed – whether they knew it or not.

In each of my friends I can pinpoint the exact quality that I draw support from. It is for these very qualities that I admire them so. My friends are great people. So as I sat there thinking, “Well, {what’s-her-name} is great for this. And no one is better than {what’s-his-name} for that …”.

It dawned on me that this jack of all trades, but master of none … really isn’t that good at any one thing at all. It could even be the littlest thing … like … driving … public speaking … back rubs … cooking … Just once, I’d like to know what it feels like to be good at something.

Which brings me to my point of the evening …

Hitch“. Sure, it doesn’t make much sense to you, eh? So one day, I’m sitting there talking to Baby-J when the trailer for the movie pops on TV. She turns to me … “Hey, that’s so you!”*sigh* … Yup. It is. Go and watch it. It’s the story of my life.

Posted: 01/13/2005 in None

… Must Remember To Breathe … Must Remember To Breathe …

So I got back into town with little fanfare. It’s pretty much what I wanted and needed. The landing was a little hairy. The plane fish-tailed a couple of times. Someone actually screamed out, “We’re gonna diiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!”. … *meh* … I got home, took a quick nap, and got back into the swing of things.

I saw Baby-J first thing. I feel badly as I woke her up entirely way too early – but it was great to see her. Met up with Cutie by early evening to start the rounds of errand-running. I played delivery boy for Renka, importing her some goods from Terra Breads. Met up with Pac-Man for a late dinner at BP.

I’ve been pretty busy dealing with stuff, but I’ve been slowly catching up with people. One of such people I got into a pretty interesting conversation with. It was a conversation I’ve had with many a person, many a time. What made this conversation interesting was the end result.

It’s long been known that I’m not a guy. I’m always the friend. Even the newest of acquaintances see that right away. What’s particularly rare, is how some of my new guy friends say that about me. I’m no threat to any of the ladies, as I come across as a friend, and not a guy trying to get in their pants.

So basically the conversation goes “I’m too much the nice guy … I over-shoot that window of opportunity … too much the friend …”. Yeah, nothing new, really. I’ve heard it all before. But most people say that I shouldn’t fret, and that I should wait for the right lady to come along. However, this person pushed for me to get more aggressive and actually pursue any and all ladies that might perk my interest.

Interesting thought, but I doubt that’ll work for me. It’s simply not my style.

… & write back @ ya’!

Dutchess : Glad you got it figured out! Wish I could have helped you more.