Posted: 07/02/2004 in None

Last night was an interesting night … but I won’t get into it. Some things just aren’t meant to be shared here.

Today, however, was a fun day. After a little bit of sleep, I went out with Baby-J. Despite the fact I live with her, I do spend but just a little bit of time with her. We do have different lifestyles, different lives, but we can always pick up right where we left off. We hit Terroni for lunch then went for a drive and a cup of tea.

As per the usual, we banter and talk about everything under the sun. We freely discuss each other’s life. Let’s just say these outings, as enjoyable as they are, leave us both with quite the earful … and lots to think about.

Tonight, I came down with a big headache. I napped, then decided to go for a drive. I ended up at down at The Beaches. For the first time since I’ve moved here, I saw the moonlight on the water. It’s a beautiful sight. It brought back memories of home.

I sat there for quite some time – just thinking to myself. I was perhaps the most anti-social person on Canada Day. Not that I was less than civil than on the average day. When approached by friendly people, I was still very pleasant. I even struck a nice, long conversation lasting more than a half-hour with a complete stranger.

Tonight, I realized how much my life has really changed. Of course, I’ve known it all along. However, after today’s outing with Baby-J, and given time to sit by myself, I was really able to see things in a different light. There are certain aspects of my life now that I truly value and enjoy. However, gone are the good ol’ days when I felt secure – secure about life, about myself.

And I think that’s where my biggest dilemma lies. Even back in the day, I was uncertain of so many things – but I was certain of me. Now, I’ve lost that. I’ve changed so much, in so many ways, due largely to the curves life’s thrown my way.

I know I’m not as patient as I used to be. I’m less forgiving than I used to be. I’m far less tolerant. I think I’ve become jaded. I’ve found myself less concerned with others as I used to be. Recently, I’ve found myself having inadvertently offended others. It makes me wonder, “What have I become?”.

Time and time again, I’ve stated that I think the world of my friends. I hold them to the highest standards. And frankly, if I consider you a closer friend, if means you have my utmost respect. But, I find myself having been extremely hypocritical as I haven’t held myself to those standards. *sigh* Boo on me.

In any case, Jeffy and his buddy are in town. I should hook up with them soon. Been trying to catch up with MunMun, but the timing has been just a little bit off. I’ve been trying to get some SGS Boys out, but everyone is so busy … *oi* … such is life …


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