Posted: 05/31/2004 in None

*sigh* … can’t sleep … went for a drive … albeit a short one once I passed a gas station and was reminded of the prices …

The drive was interesting. It’s nice to be on the road by myself at times – just me and the road. It’s somewhat similar to what I’m doing now, sitting here writing up my blog at … 3 AM. It’s my little alone time.

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of navel-gazing. I believe that one should from time to time. It just so seems that I’ve needed to do it more often lately. So, here’s what I was thinking about tonight …

Am I really *that* nice?

I had a nice, long chat with Renka today; probably the longest since we hooked up on MSN some months back. On several occasions, she’d emphasize how nice I am. It seems to be a bit of a theme as of late, as in a previous, she’d had just warned me of people that might take advantage of the likes of me. Along those lines, Berty, Eddie and PeteyP have been lambasting me for being too nice to a certain someone.

In any case, I sit and can’t help but think that this is just how I am. I don’t know how to be any other way. It’s in my nature to want to help. It’s me to want to be there for my friends and loved ones as I would hope them to be there for me. If that’s too much, then it’s a curse I welcome.

… the curse of the “nice guy”

So I’m cursed. That’s nothing new. I’ve got several curses that I can’t seem to shake – then again, I never really tried, nor did I really want to.

I was sitting down to lunch with Gracey today, before she left for the Steel Mill and we shot the breeze like we normally do. We’d be chatting it up about people … men … woman … relationships … *blah blah blah*

Somehow, the subject turned to me and my non-existent love life. I lamented the fact that I’m always stuck in that “just friends” category. … been there, done that … have the t-shirt … and the bumper sticker … still get mail forwarded from that wing … just booked my vacation there too …

Given the fact that I’m one of the girls, and that I’m a damn good man-maid, the big brother, and an all-around he-bitch … I’m pretty much screwed. No, nice guys don’t finish last … they’re not even in the damn game … Well, maybe it’s not entirely true … but it is for *this* nice guy.

And what have I learned?

… in short, I learned nothing I didn’t already know. I know that I’m not typical boyfriend material. I know that it takes me that much longer to develop a real liking for a lady; well beyond that window of opportunity. I know that all the good ones are not available in one capacity or another – be it my insecurities, significant others, distance, timing, etc.. *yadda yadda yadda*

But, I know what I want. I take solace in that.

What do I do now?

Stop going out for late night grease! I’ve found that when I get all knotted up in my thinking I crave fast food. Boo on me.

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