Archive for May, 2004

Posted: 05/31/2004 in None

*sigh* … can’t sleep … went for a drive … albeit a short one once I passed a gas station and was reminded of the prices …

The drive was interesting. It’s nice to be on the road by myself at times – just me and the road. It’s somewhat similar to what I’m doing now, sitting here writing up my blog at … 3 AM. It’s my little alone time.

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of navel-gazing. I believe that one should from time to time. It just so seems that I’ve needed to do it more often lately. So, here’s what I was thinking about tonight …

Am I really *that* nice?

I had a nice, long chat with Renka today; probably the longest since we hooked up on MSN some months back. On several occasions, she’d emphasize how nice I am. It seems to be a bit of a theme as of late, as in a previous, she’d had just warned me of people that might take advantage of the likes of me. Along those lines, Berty, Eddie and PeteyP have been lambasting me for being too nice to a certain someone.

In any case, I sit and can’t help but think that this is just how I am. I don’t know how to be any other way. It’s in my nature to want to help. It’s me to want to be there for my friends and loved ones as I would hope them to be there for me. If that’s too much, then it’s a curse I welcome.

… the curse of the “nice guy”

So I’m cursed. That’s nothing new. I’ve got several curses that I can’t seem to shake – then again, I never really tried, nor did I really want to.

I was sitting down to lunch with Gracey today, before she left for the Steel Mill and we shot the breeze like we normally do. We’d be chatting it up about people … men … woman … relationships … *blah blah blah*

Somehow, the subject turned to me and my non-existent love life. I lamented the fact that I’m always stuck in that “just friends” category. … been there, done that … have the t-shirt … and the bumper sticker … still get mail forwarded from that wing … just booked my vacation there too …

Given the fact that I’m one of the girls, and that I’m a damn good man-maid, the big brother, and an all-around he-bitch … I’m pretty much screwed. No, nice guys don’t finish last … they’re not even in the damn game … Well, maybe it’s not entirely true … but it is for *this* nice guy.

And what have I learned?

… in short, I learned nothing I didn’t already know. I know that I’m not typical boyfriend material. I know that it takes me that much longer to develop a real liking for a lady; well beyond that window of opportunity. I know that all the good ones are not available in one capacity or another – be it my insecurities, significant others, distance, timing, etc.. *yadda yadda yadda*

But, I know what I want. I take solace in that.

What do I do now?

Stop going out for late night grease! I’ve found that when I get all knotted up in my thinking I crave fast food. Boo on me.

Posted: 05/31/2004 in None

“My god, you’re hideous! Why do you even bother? “

Tom Bishop (Brad Pitt) says while walking in on Nathan Muir (Robert Redford) shaving in “Spy Game

… and there you have it …

Posted: 05/29/2004 in None

So you might be looking for the next installment of the story, but you’re not going to find it here. I’ve decided not to bother. Too much happening to bother to document everything. Let’s just say, we’re having a blast doing what we do best.

I know I’ve said this time and time again, but it’s incredibly true. I have been blessed with amazing friends. I look back at my circle(s) of friends and I look at how many of my friends are now good friends with people I’ve introduced them to. I’m not looking for credit, but frankly, I do pride myself on having creating new friendships.

Moreover, sometimes it astonishes me how well my friends gets along. A prime example is of Wingman‘s visit this week. I intro him to Pac-Man and they hang when I’m not available. They make plans, *then* they inform me of what’s happening. It’s cool.

Since moving out here, I’ve found life to be a bit of a drag until now. I think the reason is two-fold. On one hand, the weather’s been nice and I’ve been able to get outside – something I’ve always loved to do. Be it sitting on a patio with friends, or just bumming in a park, I love being outside.

On the other hand, now that school is seemingly done for me, I’ve had time to socialize with people. Suddenly, I’m out and about meeting new friends and having a blast. Not that I was complaining as per my social life before, but now it’s been taken up a notch.

I had Gracey staying with me this last little bit. She’s awesome. She’s going to make Dalo one heck of a wife. She and I sit and talk a lot. We’ve known each other for years (going on … 7-8 years now) but only this last year or so have we really gotten to know each other. We relate to our experiences in having moved out east. We’ve found that we shared the same feelings, problems, angst, etc. in our new found homes. It goes to show you that one is never truly alone. There are others out there just like you, with the same problems as you, with the same worries as you ..

Lastly, I must say that having Wingman out here this last little while has been absolutely invaluable; particularly on two fronts. The first, being that I miss the guy. He’s one of my best friends, and hanging out with him has been incredible.

I want to be able to share my life and experiences here with my friends back home, but technology can only do so much. Having had him out here, meeting my friends, making the rounds, catching up with people … it’s been a wicked ride.

Secondly, it’s been therapeutic. His presence, willingness to talk (and give straight answers/opinions) has helped me sort some things out in myself.

For example, I think I’ve finally come to terms – publicly, at least – with my failed relationship with my ex. Seemingly, there were people in the know, but there were also some of those whom I held near and dear that I did not, and could not, tell the whole story. Part of it was pride, and part of it was fear. Either way, it was something that I needed to go through, and perhaps Wingman saw me through to that last step.

Likewise, just talking to him helped me see things more clearly regarding other situations in my life. This lady I’ve posted about in the past is yet another example. I was relatively open about this person (excluding names) with a new acquaintance. My explanation of why things didn’t/wouldn’t work out was that “we were are at different stages in our lives”.

This was not entirely accurate. I did elude to how I felt she is “not interested” because she’s simply “out of my league”. Truth is, it has everything to do with my own insecurities.

She is everything I want in a woman. She is also everything any man wants. She is beautiful. She is smart. She is a sweetheart. She has her pick of men. Given that fact alone, nothing will ever work out in the long-run.

Over the years, I’ve come to talk a big storm of how I view mankind as species not naturally monogamous. However, I’ve found that I much rather be in a monogamous relationship. The relationship seems to give me reason to get up in the morning … reason to live. I seem to want to function as a part of a couple.

My problem is that I fear she will eventually want to trade-up. I seem to know this because I’ve been burned before – forget fresh, the wounds are still gushing. I don’t get any sense of security or any indication of what she wants. She may seem to indulge in me, but she’s simply unavailable … simply “out of my league”.

While it’s sad to see him go, I’ll be hanging with Wingman (and his soon-to-be wife, I-V) really soon. I’m looking forward to my little trip home. It’ll be a short stay, but I assure you it’s much needed. I can’t wait to see the likes of Jovo sitting across from me over food and drink or cards and puffing a cigarillo …

Cheers, my friends …

Posted: 05/23/2004 in None

What a mad dash the last couple of days has been …

Part One – Chapter 1 : Friday …

Firstly, I booked out to the airport to pick up Wingman. His flight was delayed. That put a serious strain on our plans. The idea was to pick him up just after 2 PM, head to my place, get changed, and hit up Schmooze with an assortment of people – namely Berty and the Merrill boys (most of which are with the Unreliable$ crew), and a friend of Baby-J‘s (and her sorority sisters … ;-D … ), and some Calgary folk I’ve met through Renka.

The entertainment scene here is very different from that of back home. Frankly, the red-tape and snootiness of it all was quite a turn-off. The spot had a 25-and-over policy (with the exception of ladies 23-and-over). We had two guys with us that were 24. Needless to say, despite my trying to chummy up to the bouncers, and the manager – that we’re all business professionals … working for Merrill and Deloitte … finished a big project … wanted to show our consultants a good times … – we didn’t get them in. Moreover, even when I told them that half of our party was already up on the patio, the manager wasn’t so much in the giving mood.

In the end, the underaged guys were very understanding and told us to head on in to meet our friends. They’d just meet up with us afterwards. Grudgingly, Wingman, Baby-J and I headed in. Then, we tried to meet up with the Merrill guys on the patio but we then told that we can’t, because it was packed. We were told that we needed to get on the list … then when they’re ready, they’ll give us a ticket … and only *then* we can head up. Not a great start to the night, especially since I’ve got a good buddy of mine in town that I’m trying to help catch up with a high school friend and have a good time.

Frankly, it was a shitty experience. Wingman was understanding, and we patiently waited. In the meantime, Baby-J had met up with her friends and were making the rounds, and having drinks bought for them by the hoards of guys in the joint. By the time Berty managed to talk us up to the patio, we had a pretty good time. We hung out with Eddie and PeteyP and a couple of other guys. We had several rounds of drinks, munched on some food, an watched a lady being escorted out as she was passed out. Turns out we ran into some other guys from our alma mater as well.

Afterward, we met up with the other crew and Li’l Ed for a quick bite and waited for Renka and her man to call and meet up with us to hit up a club. After dinner, we killed time by hitting Hooters and put back a couple of pitchers.

Soon enough, we were off to The Distrikt. It was a very Asian club and it has its appear in some regards (mainly in the women that frequents this joint), but it further lamented the fact that clubbing is really not my bag. I miss the days of high school dances, when you could walk into a gym full of your friends – knows everyone there, and everybody knows you – and get wild, funky and down-right stupid.

Nowadays, the idea of clubbing almost makes me cringe. I get the urge to now and then, and sometimes the mood does strike me, but often I find myself sitting there not enjoying the dancing or the music, and paying for over-priced, watered-down drinks. I’m such a pub-crawler. I’d much rather sit at a watering hole with some good friends and share some good laughs.

After the club, we hit up a Chinese BBQ place in Chinatown for late night eats.

Part One – Chapter 2 : Saturday …

We had talked of doing the dim sum deal in the morning, but come Saturday, nobody could wake up in time. In the end, Wingman, Li’l Ed, Pac-Man and I had a late sushi lunch, and hit the LCBO and grabbed enough liquor to sedate an elephant in preparation for the Lightening vs. Flyers game. I’m glad to report the ‘bolts won, as I think the Flames will have an easier time winning the whole damn thing!

So the night went on with a lot of drinking. Li’l Ed always joked about his partying ways, but never saw how I rolled with my people. He was in for quite a night. I won’t get into the details, as some parts of it were rather embarrassing … “What happens in Toronto, stays in Toronto …”, right, boys? … *wink wink*

It wasn’t too, too bad … I mean, when you are sucking on a [CENSORED] and you [CENSORED] it out, you can’t go and [CENSORED] on someone without so much as the guy wanting to [CENSORED] your ass. To make things worse, you [CENSORED] on your friends and [CENSORED] them in a public place! Let’s just say there are some places I’ll never go with [CENSORED] again. … yeah …

What a night … and he didn’t remember any of it … *hehehehe*

Posted: 05/20/2004 in None

Am I really such a “nice guy”? Am I such the push-over people make me out to be? Heck, I’d like to think I’m a lot less forgiving than I was in high school … since I’ve been so burned over the years – just ask Berty and Baby-J. Maybe it’s no wonder why I’m always stuck on the side-lines …

Posted: 05/20/2004 in None

… supposed to be sleeping … need to be at the airport in … 4 hours … *oi* … but it’s not happening … sucks to be me …

Oh well, but at least I’ll be picking up Rish and spending the day with her as she flies through on to NYC late afteroon.

Then, I meet up with Gracey and settle her in as she’s staying the night and flying out first thing (6 AM) in the morning.

After that, I pick up Renka and hit the airport to help her pick up her guy flying in to spend the weekend.

Then I’ll most likely grab a late, late night bite with Pac-Man, then head home to grab Gracey and send her out.

After that, I get to nap, and pick up Wingman from the airport in the afternoon … hit Schmooze to get mad stupid

Posted: 05/19/2004 in None

Woke up maybe two hours ago. Had little intention of getting out of bed today. Just too damn lazy. It’s hard to wake up when you’re having a good dream. ‘Dream’, you say? Yeah, I actually slept enough to dream last night … er, this morning. It wasn’t so much that I fell asleep, as it really was that I passed out due to exhaustion.

A lot has been weighing on my mind lately. Don’t know what to make of it all. I suppose what’s really bothering me is that everything is seemingly so beyond my control. Well … as always … I’ll just have to sit back, have faith that I’ve got what it takes to weather the storm.

So, before I sat down and wrote my last post, I actually went out to a late, late dinner with Pac-Man. It was 2:30 AM, I get buzzed with a text message on my cell phone. “Eat?”. He had just gotten off of work and was hungry. So we book it out for late night eats. He’s a good guy. It’s fun to just sit and shoot the shit with him. He’s easy-going and very straight-up with his views. For the most part, there isn’t much that we disagree on.

Sometimes we sit and bitch about people. Other times we talk about our problems. Last night was mainly him asking me about my situation with this lady. Once again, there wasn’t much to talk about … until he threw out the hypothetical situations. We rambled through that for a bit. The conclusion is that there’s absolutely nothing I can do. So we left it at that.

My old roommate, Lilith, should be done with her interview by now. I hope she nails the job. I think it’d be good for her to get working. Lord knows we all need money, and she’s no different. But perhaps a change in pace would do her some good. I think she’s still debating whether to go home for the summer. I hope she stays here though.

I’ve got a game of footy tonight with my Unreliable$ crew. We’re playing at an indoor field at SoccerWorld. It’s a bit of a shame since it’s such a nice day out! Here, it’s usually pissing rain, or howling winds, or just plain sticky humid. But today, it’s quite, quite nice. Of course, it’s still “nothing to write home about” … (Baby-J knows what I’m talking about …).

After the game, we’ll probably hit up a patio for some grub. I hope to find a place where I can watch the Flames vs. Sharks game. Cow-Town holds a 3-2 lead in the series. I’m still on for my prediction of Flames in 6. I think it’ll be good for hockey in Canada to bring the Lord Stanley’s mug home. It’s great to see the small market teams do well. Besides, I’d still rather the ‘Nucks lose to the champs!