Archive for March, 2003

Posted: 03/31/2003 in None

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You ever get that feeling that nobody understands? Lord knows that The Fresh Prince got it right with “Parents Just Don’t Understand” … But do you ever get that feeling that there isn’t anybody out there that comes close to understanding you? If you have, then you’d understand what I’m going through right now …

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Back in the day, I was living it up in high school. I was on top of the fucking world. I was getting by in school … played sports like there was no tomorrow … social life was thriving … seemingly everything one could want. However, throughout my senior year I had this feeling that came and went without much warning or discretion. What I went through stayed with me ever since.

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I have a fair number of friends that are younger than me. By the time I had graduated from high school, I was asked for advice for how to approach the senior year. My advice was simple. “Enjoy senior year” … Period.

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Many don’t understand that motto. Fact is, college life is not *all* it’s cracked up to be. I mean, it’s still a wicked blast, but life will never be as simple and carefree as it will be in high school. However, what most don’t realize heading into senior is that there will be some times when you will feel completely lost. You will find that you close friend distant, your distant friends close. You will feel times of happiness … and then times of total lonliness …

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You see, it’s at this point in your life when you start to fend for yourself. It’s when you start to plan your future … and you realize that your friends can’t do that for you. And you realize that there is this whole other world out there …

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That … scared the living shit out of me. I’ve once said that I’ve felt truly blessed for having had so many friends. Mind you in high school, one’s “friends” are more fairweather than one would like to think at the time … Truth is, they couldn’t help me with what I was going through …

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I’m in a similar situation now, in that I don’t know where the hell my life is headed, and I can’t draw support from my friends.

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Posted: 03/29/2003 in None

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Posted: 03/28/2003 in None

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I’m glad to report that my high school teacher, Daddy, is recovering nicely. His wife has posted an update on his condition. It will undoubtedly take a long time for him to truly recover, but if there’s anybody I know that can do, it’s him. You can’t keep this big guy down. Good on you, Daddy!

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So, I’m sitting here … bored out of my mind … Actually, I’m working on a client’s system here. Putting together the system was simple. Now I’m here waiting for the software updates to download. I’d much rather be doing something else. I wish I were more active both physically and socially.

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It’s been rather interesting for me lately. You see, several people have pointed out to me that I’ve become more like I was in high school. Mind you these people have very little connection with one another. For the most part, these people don’t even know each other. So, I started asking my friends what they think. Some agree, some don’t … some don’t care. Either way, I’m starting to think that perhaps those people have a point.

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For one thing, I’ve defintely been more social. I guess I’ve reached back a little into my past. I’ve been been hanging out with Jenny-Baby more this last year. She’s a blast to hang with. Likewise with Tina, Tina, [CENSORED] Machina. I hung out with these 2 ladies more than anyone else during my senior year. Maybe in that way I’ve been more like I was in high school.

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On the other hand, maybe it’s because I’ve taken on a different attitude about it all. Back in the day, there wasn’t much to be worried about. Life was so much more simple. The last couple of years has been a fucking roller coaster for me. I think it’s because things have finally leveled out that I’ve been able to come about the way I was. I guess one could say that I’m more care-free now …

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Sometimes I wonder why people even read this stuff at all. I mean, hell, sometimes I wonder why I do this to begin with … But I suppose I should make it clear that I honestly hope people don’t take things I might post here too seriously. You know how when you’re in the heat of the moment you say things that you don’t mean … “You’re such a dick!”“I’ll fucking kill you!”“Oh, baby! I LOVE YOU!” … You know … you don’t really mean it … but it comes out anyhow … These are just random thoughts that are going through my mind at the moment.

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Let’s be honest … hasn’t everybody had a thought, any thought that wasn’t indicative of your character? You find a $20 bill on the ground. You look around and see if anyone else sees it. Did you have that temptation to keep it without saying a word? As innocent as that thought was … it’s that thought that I’m talking about. It’s just a thought. There’s no harm in it.

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Posted: 03/12/2003 in None

Words cannot describe what I’m feeling right now. My dear friend, “Daddy“, was a man I met in high school. He was my Woodworking teacher, and one of my rugby and basketball coaches. He is a good, good man.

We call him Daddy because he’s a father figure around the school. He’s always looking out for everyone. If you’ve got a problem, he’ll take the time out to help you out; be it a school, personal or even a legal problem. He is one man with one of the biggest hearts I know.

Some time ago, I found out that his wife was ill. But it was only recently did I know the severity of the problem. Turns out she’s been battling severe depression for 3 years now. Unfortunately, she tried to commit suicide a little under a month ago. She’s since been placed in a psychiatric ward in a hospital, where she’ll receive 24-hour supervision.

Daddy is such a great man, that one could only imagine how incredible a woman must be for him to take as his wife. Though I’ve known her for some years now, we were never terribly close. However, I can confidently say that she’s a lovely, lovely woman; kind and sincere, a loving mother, and a great friend.

When I first learned of this near tragedy, I was quite taken aback. You see, I’ve never really lost anybody dear to me, at least not at an age where I could truly comprehend what such a loss could mean. I started thinking, “What if she did pass?”

It would be such a shame. Here’s a wonderful woman whom gives her all every day for her family. A woman that, year after year, comes out full force to my alma mater’s annual Christmas Hamper Drive. I can’t imagine what would happen if we lost her. I don’t want to even think about it.

And then I think … “… what about Daddy?” … How could a great guy like him lose a great gal like her? Why do bad things happen to good people? It just doesn’t seem fair.

Every day now, Daddy would spend his lunch hours with her. Right after school he’ll meet up with her to talk, to rent and watch a movie, to swim with her, play board games, just to be with her. After that, he’d return home to take care of the homefront, their 3 kids. He did all of this while maintaining a career as a teacher to his students, a mentor to many … a friend to all.

That’s love. That’s dedication. That’s conviction. That’s what life is all about.

Yesterday, I found out that my friend, Daddy, had been in a car accident – a bad car accident. How do you deal with that? Please … I’d like to know … I need to know … I’m so lost right now …

Posted: 03/09/2003 in None

So I had a really good chat with Brighteyes and Trish last night. It really helped me settle some of my uneasiness at of late. Last night was the first night I actually gotten any real sleep since Sunday. Boy, did my body need it … my back was killing me.

Tonight I went and watched Ah-Ho‘s play at CHS. I couldn’t have been more proud of the little bastard. He did a damn good job, and a hell of a mack. Good on you, bro! I’m still not sure if everyone there really wanted to be there or if they just decided to keep me company so I wouldn’t look like a total dork at the play. Regardless of the fact, thank you folks for being there. It meant a lot to Ah-Ho.

Admittedly, I feel incredibly privileged to have such great friends. Not only do they accept me for what I am, but they’ve even taken Ah-Ho under their wing. It’s not often a crowd of friends will take a kid damn near 10 years younger and give him the light of day. Moreover, they’ve practically accepted him as an equal. You guys are the best!

So after the play a bunch of us head out to the Fogg for food and drink. I brought out one of my childhood friends, Krispy with us. She’s like a little sister, since are families are tight. Yup, we got her drunk. Z was paying us a visit from down south, with her boy in tow. It’s always nice to see them. We had a good time, with good drinks, and good cheer.

Some people couldn’t make it out, which is a bit of a shame. Jo and Chev were snowed in out in the Pitt. It was a wee bit late for Vic. Brighteyes had jet-lag, and Bonehead is fasting. But BonBon still owes me a night of drinking! I’m still holding you to that Friday night! I think I should get Clive hammered too. It’s about time he learned. 😉

I’m at home now, and my little 10th grade bro is out getting drunk and whooping it up with seniors at the cast party. Atta’boy! … so sad … I’m so old …

Posted: 03/07/2003 in None

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a method to my madness … and to continue from my previous mental ramblings …

The Family …

Pops – You’re a tough son of a bitch, you know that? It’s not easy being your son. Thanks. I just hope I’ve been to Ah-Ho at least half of what you were for me.

Ma – You are the strongest woman I know. It could not have been easy raising 3 kids almost by yourself; especially the 3 of us. Don’t worry, I’ll marry a woman just like you …

Butthead – You and I are so different, and yet so similar. I don’t think we’d ever admit that to each face-to-face. Just remember your roots, and that family will always have your back.

Ah-Ho – Believe it or not, you’re one of my best friends. Others are amazed by your poise and maturity, and I am no different. Don’t you dare fuck up like I did … You deserve better, bro …

The Sista’s …

Where to begin? All my life, I’ve been branded the “big brother”, and yet I’ve always found myself one of the girls. “Hey G, we’re having a girls night out … c’mon out!” … Sometimes I just don’t get it.

However, I have formed friendships with some ladies that do make a lasting impression.

Teflon – You will always me my first “little sister”. All those times, picking you up and sending you home … talking your dad into letting curfew slide for a couple of hours … he he he … Make sure ‘he’ treats you right!

Trish – The first thing I think of is your smile. You always smile. Thank for always being so positive, and never letting anything slow you down! And thank you for always being there, and for always being the first to call to tell me that you are there.

Jenny-Baby – Crazy, aren’t we? Yup, staying out ’til 5AM … shooting stick ALL THE TIME … Always a fun time when we’re hanging out.

Tina, Tina, [CENSORED] Machina – I know, I know … you hate it when I’m right. BUT, I wouldn’t be so right if you weren’t so WRONG all the time! Oi! Glad you finally found your “nice guy”

Posted: 03/03/2003 in None

You ever have to feeling that nothing can go right?

Okay, so I’ve been meaning to keep this page a work in progress … well, my work has not been progressing. I feel kinda shitty about it. No, I feel very shitty about it. I mean, it’s just another example of how I let myself down over and over again.

Life has been all too interesting for me lately. As I’ve said before, I love my friends. I cherish them. I hold them dear, though I hardly ever say it. Maybe I don’t say it enough. I wish I had the words to tell them. What the heck … here goes …

Babydoll – Life has been so bland since you left. It’s just not same. I miss your companionship. I don’t think I can say it any better than that. I have no words for how much I miss you.

God-Twin – Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if you and I didn’t team up (yes, I still have all the documents from your plan to rule the world). And then, I dismiss it straight away. I would not want to know because it wouldn’t matter. These last 8 years … I think about all the growing we’ve done, and I see that we’ve done it together. It is simply scary how well we know each other. And I would never want it any other way. You are simply irreplaceable … never, ever forget that.

Berty – My dear friend … We’ve had some good times, eh? I don’t think I’ll ever forget that trip down to Oz. I think of some of the happiest times in my life, and you were there. Then I think of some of the worst times in my life … and you were there. You stuck by me through it all. You don’t know how much that means to me. Think and thin, brothers to the end.

To My Boys …

Bonehead – There are so many things we never say … and yet we know we need not say it. Perhaps it’s a “guy” thing, but it’s something I have often found sanctuary in. However there are times that things must be said. Where have you been, my friend?

Caesar – Hail! It’s been a long, wild ride since the days of 8-4, eh? Thank you for “… not bad, but your grammar sucks …”, “Do your homework!”, “Get out of the tuck shop!”, “You fat ass!” … It keeps me going, you know? Just remember to do what you have to do, okay?

Ken – Boy, haven’t we been through some tough times … Thanks for being there. The good times … the bad … and the down-right funky. I don’t ever tell you how much I appreciate your thoughtful and honest views on any of my problems and worries, but I do appreciate it. You’re one of very few people I know that really “has his shit together” … good on you, buddy.

Chip – I will have your smile from that first English class etched in my mind for eternity. You were the very first person I befriended as I turned over a new leaf, and you will remain a constant reminder that I should never lose faith in anything. From little boys to young men we’ve grown and you always managed to smile through the darkest hours; you amaze me.

To The Ladies …

Cutie – I haven’t forgotten about you! Though we don’t talk nearly as much as we used to, I know that when we do talk, we always pick up right where we left off. Do you know how rare that is? You’ve always been a voice a reason for me … even if it’s a whisper coming out from the fields of corn.

Brighteyes – You truly are a sweetheart; the purest of the pure. Your heart knows no bounds … but keep it that way. It’s why we all love you so much.

Z – … you BBY girls … Then again, we BBY people are a different breed altogether, aren’t we? I’m still in disbelief how fast we became friends. But I suppose it is the way it should be, eh? Hurry home!

Shortcake – Sometimes it really amuses me to watch you, to see you seemingly walk through life with the wonderment of a child. Then sometimes you’re as stubborn as an old fart. Girl, you really need to learn how to relax and enjoy life … all of it.

Lilith – When I met you, you were a girl. Now I look at you and I see a woman. You’ve come a long way since we’ve met. I don’t think you realize how much support you offer me … and perhaps even if I tried to explain it, you’d never understand. Live for you … the time is now.

And the rest of the circle …

As there are so many of you, I can’t possibly name you all. Some of you I still see, many of you I don’t. I miss you all. I miss all the good times. SGS Grad ’96my rugby boys … all my god-sisters … my BBY crew runners

Friends Lost …

D – Where do I begin? I miss you dearly. Not a day goes by I don’t think about you and the shit we’ve been through. Perhaps we were at such different stages in our lives that we could not see the other’s point of view. It doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s work it out …

Mo – You still owe me a phone call. We had some great times, my friend, but you really need to pull your act together. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again … call me if you need help.

PetPav – Review your sources before you judge. You never did get it from the horse’s mouth, did you? Make no mistake, I do not lie. Be a man … admit to what you did. What you do is your choice, and it doesn’t matter to me … but I will not be called a liar. That, I will not stand for. Give me a call and we’ll talk …

In with the new …

On a brighter note, recently I’ve met some new people. Frankly, I don’t get to meet people that often anymore. Life is so different now. Gone are the days when people simply invited everyone out. Perhaps I’m at the age when people are just too busy. It’s a bit of a shame, really.

I’m pleased to say that my new friends Vic, Jo, and Chev, are a welcome addition to my life. I truly enjoy their company.